The beautiful, blooming Bradford Pears and the blanket of pollen on the grass and cars have finally made their way into sweet Karis. She fought hard, but they fought harder. We have begun the rotation of Benedryl, Tylenol, and Motrin peppered with plenty of prayer that she will kick this quickly. Karis’ day shift nurse only comes a few days a week, so this morning Ander and I went on a date to the fabric store to get fabric for sewing orders (THANK YOU!!) and Target to pick up some things we needed using Target Gift Cards from Ander’s birth (THANK YOU!!). While at Target I got a call from Karis’ nurse saying the “yuck” was picking up, so I tossed some more Tylenol into the basket. They didn’t have generic Tylenol, so I got the REAL THING (Thank you, mamas, for the collective “gasp!” I heard it.) I knew the name brand pain-killing/fever-reducing/cancer-curing Tylenol would take a whole gift card, but Karis needed it.
I paid for my things and picked up Ander’s car seat out of the basket when I saw it: The Tylenol. A second went by before I reached in to take it and in that second something awful happened- I hesitated. I was the only one with a heartbeat who would have known that Tylenol was NOT paid for. What broke my moment’s hesitation was the Holy Spirit lending me this thought: “Do you not believe your God will supply all your needs? He Who didn’t spare His own Son, how would He not graciously give you all good things?” Gulp. I ran the Tylenol to the nearest checkout and nearly threw it at the lady (sorry, ma’am).
I realize my hesitation wasn’t about the money. Not really. It was about where I place my trust. I didn’t believe the truth of God’s promises regarding His care for me, and my lack of faith tempted me to sin. Of course I would never have taken the Tylenol, but that’s not the point. The point was that it revealed the fear in my heart that our needs wouldn’t be met. How strange that a woman who has watched God open her daughter’s closed lung and breathe life into her would believe, even for a second, that He wouldn’t provide her with a little bottle of Tylenol. (And He did. There was cash in my wallet) I’m an awfully feeble saint.
Be encouraged friends, that your theology matters! Your scripture memory is for your sanctification, so that when you’re tempted to make a bonehead move like I was, the Truth can shake you up and pull you back in. He will continue to prove Himself faithful as you trust Him with all your concerns and hide His Word in your heart.